I’ll give you a hint… it’s NOISE.

Wanna cut through the clutter? Find out how in the video…or skip ahead and sign up for my FREE Coffee & Convo calls that begin this Monday morning. Yes, start your week off right and wrap your head around your social plan for the week.

So, will you join me?

Filed under: Advice, blog, blogging, brand, Coaching, Facebook, foursquare, marketing, social media, Social Networks, Twitter, youtube

I’m even more proud of the fact that Social Deviants, while participating in some marketing and social media “best practices,” never set out to honor them. Social Deviants was founded on the idea of being deviant with social media. And, it was founded for the deviants out there who don’t really get or play by the so-called social media and marketing “rules.” It was founded for people, not businesses, who want to reach others, and who want to do it with unbridled passion. It’s for people who know that their products or services can help others, and they make no apologies for wanting to increase their lives and the lives of others by selling, acting and thinking forward.

Social Deviants (SD) didn’t have a Facebook page until very recently. GASP! It’s true. SD didn’t want to be anywhere it couldn’t be. Make sense? While I grabbed a SD Twitter profile, I still tweet from my personal account because that’s where I am the most. The blog was the center of the Social Deviants universe for more than a year, and it still is really, because it was the right thing for the brand at the time.

However, SD is branching out now. I even added a Tumblr blog called Deviant Behavior to our mix of offerings. I offer something different/deviant over there. I profile people (real and imagined) who lead or had lead deviant lives — Mark Zuckerburg, Pamela Slim, Wonder Woman, Elizabeth Taylor, John Lennon, Princess Diana, Rosie the Riveter, Dorothy Parker, Betty Page and more. I try to make the connection between what made these figures important to what you can do in your life and business to leave your mark, as well.

My point is that in the online space, sometimes thinking differently isn’t enough. You have to think deviantly. Take your time. Be smart. Think of different ways to bring your brand to life on various networks. Make sure there’s an audience there for you to tap otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels; but definitely think of unique ways you can manifest your brand and connect with people in different locations without regurgitating the same information.

Filed under: Advice, blog, brand, Facebook, marketing, social media, Social Networks, Twitter

As leaders, we get to fill the role of counselor in a lot of people’s lives. For good or bad, we have the honor and responsibility of providing these people with advice.

This is by no means an all-inclusive methodology, but its the process I use. I would love to hear all about how you approach these situations in the comments below.

Step 1. Seek First to Understand

Listen

It seems silly that I would have to list this first, but listening is paramount. This is something that we have to intentionally engage in. It’s too easy to get distracted by the room you’re in or by the thoughts in your head. You’ve got to actively oppose those distractions.

The act of listening goes far beyond the act of hearing. To hear is to simply sit and receive information. To actively listen means making eye contact and visibly following along. There’s nothing more disconcerting than someone who won’t look you in the eye.

Suspend All Judgement

Depending on the situation, this can be tough. Maybe someone is confessing something embarrassing to you. Perhaps they’ve done something horrible. This isn’t the moment to cast judgement. This isn’t the time to point a finger and apply a label.

Instead, be discerning. The person you’re sitting across from may very well have done something worthy of a rebuke. This isn’t the moment to provide that rebuke, however. Apply restraint and continue towards understanding.

Step 2. Dig Deeper

Ask Deep Questions

This is where it starts to get uncomfortable. Ask tough, probing questions. Don’t be afraid to get to the root of the problem. Peel back the issues and refuse to accept simple answers. Be persistent, yet loving and empathetic. Keep on digging.

I’ve struggled with this step in the past because things can get downright awkward. It can be tempting to wimp out and stay at the surface. The result of that, however, is a shallow understanding of the situation and, ultimately, bad advice.

Take Notes

If you’ve ever sat down with me, you know I carry a moleskine and take notes in just about every meeting. I have to do this for my sake and yours. I don’t remember details and folks deserve better than my subjective memory. If you’re in the same boat, carry a notebook.

Step 3. Connect

Personal Experience

If you can relate, then relate. Your personal experience can play the biggest part in connecting here. A lot of times, people don’t necessarily need your advice. They just need to be heard and known. Relating a similar struggle and your victory over it can be all the advice they need.

Empathy

People generally do what is right in their own eyes. Sometimes, that limited vantage point can cause them to make a serious mess of things. If they’ve done wrong, they need to be told about it. But, that’s not where we start.

Empathize and relate on an emotional level or else your advice will not be received.

Step 4. Pray and Deliberate

Seek Wisdom

I literally feel the weight of these meetings. As I said before, this is an opportunity to either help or hurt someone. In mid conversation, I’m actively praying for God to send me the wisdom to respond lovingly and appropriately.

If you seek and can’t find the words to say, then now isn’t the time to feign intelligence. If you have to, defer your advice to a later time and place. Let the person know that you want to provide the best counsel possible and that you’ll have to do some homework in order to accomplish that.

• Study – Search Scripture. Read books and blogs. Research the facts and figures. Do what you have to do in order to gather all of the necessary information.
• Consult – Talk to people who are smarter than you. Get their advice on the advice that you should offer. It sounds confusing, but you’ll be glad you did.

Step 5. Give Your Best Advice

Honesty & Truth

If this person has done something worthy of discipline or “intense fellowship,” then now is the time for you to provide it. If they haven’t  screwed up and simply need guidance in a situation, then act out of genuine concern for their best interests; not your own.

When I unknowingly sin against and hurt someone and go to a trusted advisor/leader for advice, I need to know about it. Don’t be afraid to provide correction for your friends and followers. You’re there to provide leadership, so lead them.

Love

“If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1 Cor 13:1

Be honest and speak the truth, but do so in love. Every bit of this needs to be about the person on the other side of the table and their benefit. This isn’t the time for you to get your power fix or fulfill some sort of a messianic complex.

What’s Next?

Follow Up

The conversation does not end at the bottom of the coffee mug. The worst thing you can do is up and disappear. Invest the time and energy to follow up with this person. See if there is any resolution and what you can do to help further.

Maybe you gave great advice. Thank God for helping you see a friend through a difficult time. Perhaps you gave bad advice. That’s ok; you’re not perfect. Learn from the situation and grow. Thank God for experiential learning.

Join the conversation: What did I miss? What do you do differently? Click here to respond.

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1. How to Give Really Bad Advice
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4. 3 Steps to Identifying Rational vs Irrational Resistance
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